When it comes to giving gifts, it’s the thought that counts … or does it? We’ve all been on the receiving end, at one time or another, of gifts that have left us scratching our heads wondering what on earth the gift-giver was thinking when they decided to bestow this particular item on us.
For a lot of people, giving gifts, especially during the holidays, is an obligation rather than a sincere act of love, kindness, generosity or gratitude. How else to explain those totally random gifts that have little practical or sentimental value?
Often times we use gift giving as a way to over-compensate for some perceived lack of self-worth or adequacy. When we feel “less than” about ourselves, we tend to spend more on gifts in the hopes of gaining the love and approval we seek from others. How many times have you been shopping at a store during the holidays and found yourself on line behind someone at the register who appears to have gone stark-raving mad? They’ve loaded their carts to the max — as though they were in a shopping spree and their lives depended on grabbing the most items possible in the shortest amount of time. Gift giving when viewed in the context of this prism becomes a futile exercise in self-redemption via crass commercialism — after all, imagine the disappointment of this person’s family and friends if they didn’t show up on the holidays with a boatload of gifts!
Then there are people who feel the need to keep score . . . are you one of those? You are if you wait to see who gives you a gift first before reciprocating, make decisions about who to gift based historical performance (i.e. who gave you a gift the previous year), or you aim to maintain parity in your gift giving — meaning you always give gifts of approximately the same or perceived value as the ones you receive.
All this mental score-keeping is time-consuming, exhausting, and distracts us from the true intention of gift-giving — acknowledging those we love and care about.
When giving gifts starts to feel like a chore or an obligation, that’s the time to re-evaluate your gift-giving strategy! Why do you give gifts? Is it to fill an ego-based need? Is the real motivation to make yourself feel better or to make someone else happy? What if you let your ego get out of the way and focus on what would make the other person happy based on what they actually need or desire, rather than what you think they may need?
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